Why I Wrote


Starting at midnight tonight, and for the next 5 days, I'll be giving away free copies of the ebook "Jackie's Not a Real Girl" - This has been a massive project that has spanned over 10 years and has demanded a lot personally (and a lot from my very patient friends)... I thought I'd share a bit of the "WHY" behind this epic poem...and what has turned into an epic process.

In Fall of 2004, I had hit rock-bottom. I was emaciated, filled with toxic levels of drugs and alcohol, living in poverty...broke in every sense of the word. On Saturday September 4th, I came into town for a conference and had somehow managed to cobble together a few days of sobriety.

It had been a tough week - Because of the lack of rehab facilities for trans women, I hadn't been able to go to a detox centre or hospital. Instead, I stayed home, double-locked the doors and hallucinated my way through the nightmares of DT's. Most of that week, I lived like a terrified animal. In the lucid moments in between episodes I was fully aware that death was a very real and very proximate possibility.

I was still very, very shaky on that Saturday afternoon. Which is when I saw the real-life "Jackie" who inspired much of the last 10 years' work.

I'd like to emphasize that JNRG is a work of fiction - The events are based on first hand and second hand experiences. But it's fictionalized.

However, one element that is a direct quote is the title of the piece.

The words, "Jackie's Not a Real Girl" were not voiced by a transphobic bystander, or a cop, or a teacher, or a bully, or a judge, or a jailer. They were said by Jackie herself.

When I heard Jackie say those words I knew that I had borne witness to a statement that was filled with almost unspeakable tragedy and despair.

Later, as I struggled with my own identity as a sober trans woman Jackie's words came back to haunt me again and again. I came to believe that these awful words were a "gift of desperation"...an insight that was both terrifying and sacred.

With that came an absolute certainty that this unique story needed to be told...And that I had to tell it.

Why did I write "Jackie's Not a Real Girl"? - Not because I wanted to... But because I had to...

I just had to.


Download directly from: http://www.amazon.com/Jackies-Not-Real-Girl-graphic-ebook/dp/B01268J1OY